From drink at work.com comes various ways to avoid beginning correspondence with your hopeful future employer. Many more in their post.
"I’m not one for making threats. So please excuse the awkwardness of this letter."
"If working for eight different employers in 14 months doesn’t illustrate my versatility well, frankly, I don’t know what else to say."
"I never thought it would come to this. Me, asking someone like you for a job."
"Clearly if I had something other than deli wrapping paper to write this on I would have used it so don’t even start."
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